Confessions

1.It is May the 4th and I am watching Return of the Jedi...because I love my husband.  If I could stay awake, I think I would like it.
2. I try Elliott's baby food every time I feed him, just to make sure it isn't tooo gross.
3. I like most of Elliott's baby food.
4. The other night I was bathing Charlotte and told her to sing like Ariel.  I told her that she sounds just like Ariel and I knew I was lying.  I am sad to say she got my singing voice. I plan to continue lying to her.
5. Just about every week I have to rerun at least one load of laundry with vinegar because I forget about it and it smells like mildew.
6. I spend tons of time on pinterest in the middle of the night while I feed Elliott. Sadly, he has been waking up every 2-3 hours at night. Sometimes I don't pin things I am interested in because I don't want  everyone to know how much time I am spending on there.
7. I have read at least 2 articles on facebook about how we shouldn't be distracted by technology around our children...while I was using technology and being distracted from my kids.
8.  Charlotte loves to make cookies and I probably eat 4-5 cookies worth of cookie dough every time we make cookies...even when I promise myself I won't.
9. I had 7 cavities that had to be filled recently. That is what I get for lying...or really just evading the truth...when Rich asks me, "did you floss tonight?"
10. When I watch college sports or weekend news teams, I feel really old.
11. Every morning my kiddos wake up with super soggy diapers.  I love to snuggle them with their "PeePee Pajama smell" not because I like the smell of urine, but because I know that one day they will be waking up and only smell of morning breath and I will know they aren't my little babies anymore.

 I kind of think Elliott is TERRIFIED every time he gets a hug from his big sister.  This one appears to have included a thumb in the mouth.

 Saying good-bye to "my girls" Sophie and Eva...I really think she expected to leave with them.

 Freaky rabbit...notice big sister was not to be found in the pic with the bunny...she was steering clear

 She declare this to be "my boat" and the tennis racket was her paddle.

 Again with the fashion...how does she do it!

 She was very meticulous on the ward Easter egg hunt...only get the pink ones, check the content of each egg, and hand any non-favorite candy to mom before running to the next.  Each kids was supposed to get 13 eggs, but after 6 we were done.

 Matching easter outfits...this was the closest we got to a good pic...elliott looks oh so happy.

 Mom, really, is the bowtie necessary?

 There is something magical about watching little girls running around in the grass in dresses.

 Ahhh...I found the grass...now this day is actually enjoyable to me.

 Bunny ears and a bowtie...Mom, really, you need to stop.

 I will get the camera...I will...I will!

 How the play area usually looks.

Deep thoughts and some pictures

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? ...I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void."
-Kathleen Kelly 

I am pretty sure I can learn all wisdom from You've Got Mail.  Ok, maybe not ALL wisdom (the rest is on NPR).  Really though, I was watching You've Got Mail the other day because sometimes I do that...like a recharge of a battery...and I realized this quote is sort of how I am feeling right now.  I am a stay-at-home-mom and most of the time I really love it.  But sometimes I also wonder about my life just like Kathleen Kelly.  I really like being waking up to a schedule of snuggle, make pancakes, playtime, playdate, nap time, make dinner, get ready for bed.  Sure, there are a few tantrums, too many poopy diapers, frequent sickness that messes with our plans, difficult decisions on letting them cry it out, how to discipline but in general it is great.  We have been able to enjoy visiting my family and friends since I haven't been working. I get to spend more hours giggling with, smiling at and kissing my kids. Life is more relaxed, not perfect, just more relaxed.  The point is, I enjoy it and I love it, but I miss my work.  I miss seeing patients and doing clinical work. I don't miss the hectic tiring days, taking home paperwork, and dealing with some of the extra pressures and stress. BUUTTT....I worry if I don't keep up with seeing patients my abilities and knowledge will be lost.  I wonder do I stay at home because I like it and I want to be there at these moments or do I do it because it is easier than trying to find a job, get kids ready for a babysitter, finding an a trusted sitter and having to take time off to be able to go on vacation?  Maybe it is a combination of loving these moments of being home and being not ready to get back to the grind.  Maybe part time is my answer, maybe when the kids get older is my answer, maybe I'll know what to do when then right thing presents itself.  Maybe I just need to be brave.  Just like Kathleen Kelly...I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void.  So goodnight, dear void. 

And here is some pictures of life lately (I have been letting Charlotte pick her outfits everyday because it makes me smile and I take a picture each day. Enjoy her creativity)

Grapefruit season

Tonight I was sitting down and eating a grapefruit. I was thinking about how yummy the grapefruit is.  I love grapefruit, I have to restrain myself from eating more than one at a time (I am in good company because Charlotte feels the same way.) Richard is not quite as enamored with the fruit and can only eat it with a lovely thick layer of sugar.  Char and I, however, like it straight up. Anyway, I was sitting there and thinking about how much I love grapefruit season and how during that time of year I can eat a bunch and then they aren't in the stores anymore and no more dates with grapefruit.  Then I realized that the truth of the matter is I hate everything about grapefruit season EXCEPT the grapefruit.

I am over the cold and the snow and I am so ready for it to be warm out. I hate the dark evenings and mornings and the brown leafless trees and the frequent sickness. But the grapefruit, the grapefruit saves me.  For some reason the citrus taste makes me think of sunshine and it isn't a heavy winter food. It is light and fresh and I love it.  I am resolving today to just spend more time thinking about the grapefruit and pretend that it isn't 19 degrees out. I will try to restrain the whine and remind myself that spring will be here before we know it!