Deep thoughts and some pictures

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? ...I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void."
-Kathleen Kelly 

I am pretty sure I can learn all wisdom from You've Got Mail.  Ok, maybe not ALL wisdom (the rest is on NPR).  Really though, I was watching You've Got Mail the other day because sometimes I do that...like a recharge of a battery...and I realized this quote is sort of how I am feeling right now.  I am a stay-at-home-mom and most of the time I really love it.  But sometimes I also wonder about my life just like Kathleen Kelly.  I really like being waking up to a schedule of snuggle, make pancakes, playtime, playdate, nap time, make dinner, get ready for bed.  Sure, there are a few tantrums, too many poopy diapers, frequent sickness that messes with our plans, difficult decisions on letting them cry it out, how to discipline but in general it is great.  We have been able to enjoy visiting my family and friends since I haven't been working. I get to spend more hours giggling with, smiling at and kissing my kids. Life is more relaxed, not perfect, just more relaxed.  The point is, I enjoy it and I love it, but I miss my work.  I miss seeing patients and doing clinical work. I don't miss the hectic tiring days, taking home paperwork, and dealing with some of the extra pressures and stress. BUUTTT....I worry if I don't keep up with seeing patients my abilities and knowledge will be lost.  I wonder do I stay at home because I like it and I want to be there at these moments or do I do it because it is easier than trying to find a job, get kids ready for a babysitter, finding an a trusted sitter and having to take time off to be able to go on vacation?  Maybe it is a combination of loving these moments of being home and being not ready to get back to the grind.  Maybe part time is my answer, maybe when the kids get older is my answer, maybe I'll know what to do when then right thing presents itself.  Maybe I just need to be brave.  Just like Kathleen Kelly...I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void.  So goodnight, dear void. 

And here is some pictures of life lately (I have been letting Charlotte pick her outfits everyday because it makes me smile and I take a picture each day. Enjoy her creativity)

Grapefruit season

Tonight I was sitting down and eating a grapefruit. I was thinking about how yummy the grapefruit is.  I love grapefruit, I have to restrain myself from eating more than one at a time (I am in good company because Charlotte feels the same way.) Richard is not quite as enamored with the fruit and can only eat it with a lovely thick layer of sugar.  Char and I, however, like it straight up. Anyway, I was sitting there and thinking about how much I love grapefruit season and how during that time of year I can eat a bunch and then they aren't in the stores anymore and no more dates with grapefruit.  Then I realized that the truth of the matter is I hate everything about grapefruit season EXCEPT the grapefruit.

I am over the cold and the snow and I am so ready for it to be warm out. I hate the dark evenings and mornings and the brown leafless trees and the frequent sickness. But the grapefruit, the grapefruit saves me.  For some reason the citrus taste makes me think of sunshine and it isn't a heavy winter food. It is light and fresh and I love it.  I am resolving today to just spend more time thinking about the grapefruit and pretend that it isn't 19 degrees out. I will try to restrain the whine and remind myself that spring will be here before we know it!

Mail...it was called mail!!

A scene from “You’ve Got Mail”:

Schuyler Fox: “Cecilia Kelly, lovely woman, I think we might have had a date once . . . maybe we just exchanged letters.”

Joe Fox: ” You wrote her letters?”

Schuyler Fox: “Mail, it was called mail.

Nelson Fox: “Stamps. Envelopes.”

Joe Fox: “You know, I’ve heard of it.”

I love Christmas time for so many reasons, but one is mail.  I love getting Christmas cards and seeing so many lovely friends and how their lives are changing and their children are growing. In years past I have always taped them all up and left them up for months (longer than most people would leave up Christmas cards).  This year we went out of town before the bulk of the cards came in so I didn't attempt to tape them up until well into January.  Yes, you read correctly, I was just barely taping my Christmas cards up in mid January.  I really do love seeing everyone's smiling faces on a regular basis.  About 10 minutes after I got them all taped up are heard a crumpling sound on found all the card in a heap on the floor.  Two days later I finally got the energy to hang them again and this time I may have gone a little overboard on the tape. Yet even with the copious taping they all still fell down within half a day. I knew what I needed to do. It was time...time to throw the cards away.  The packrat in me was rationalizing, "keeep them," she said. "what if one your friend's kids become famous or infamous or end up on The Bachelor one day and you are wishing you could prove that you knew them when they were tiny?" For a moment this kind of reasoning makes sense...yes! I should hang on to piles of cards to show somebody old family photos of somebody famous (or on The Bachelor).   Then I shook myself out of my star struck sentimental musings and cleaned up, but I sure did love seeing everyone's cards and seeing stamps, envelopes and MAIL! (And if your kid does end up famous will you send me an old picture or just a certificate that I knew them when)

Here are some pics lately. Most of these are from Disney, Sedwick Christmas and January.  OUr computer has no space for our Utah pics.